Trainnies
I hate when people give money to the annoying breakdancers on train. Do you think that money is for college?
I see so many people of all ages jumping the turnstile that it makes me feel dumb for paying.
I use my kids and the fact that I am technically unemployed as my excuse to never give money to beggars...and their iPhones.
Eight is Great!
My eight year old can cut her own nails...and now I know longer have to worry about cutting her finger off...again.
Everyday she makes me my coffee because she wants to be a barista. It makes me feel like a boss.
We bought a $300 keyboard for X-mas and now she wants to quit. I used my Jedi mind tricks to convince her otherwise.
I wrote a sketch called Bear Arms about the Founding Fathers and the Second Amendment really referring to James Madison's bear arms because he is half bear. I played a wigged Benjamin Franklin. When the sketch ended, I went backstage to change my costume and couldn't find my wig. Apparently, it had fell of halfway into the sketch and stayed on stage for half the show.
Trailer Trashed
The Birthday Bash after party at the Trailer Park Lounge was a hit. I got wasted off of one $17 drink...but it was my wife who left her phone in our Lyft. She got it back five days later...the same day the replacement phone arrived.
Pooled
We took a shared ride and had to sit through two white girls talking non-stop about babysitting. I thought about jumping out of the car to keep my head from exploding.
Post Credit Scene
Huge Thanks to Model Majority (my second family), Jen Nottonson and Justin (love the tee shirt!), Chris and Dan (poker soon!), Cynthia and Kirill (thanks for the Yanx tix), Linnit and crew (best surprise of the night), Angela and Book Club (the only ones doing shots), Basil and Melissa (my biggest fans), and Special Thanks to Lambert (for intercepting up the bill Asian style!). And thank you all for being a part of my dream!
when you reach the age where the answer to any medical question is, "It could be cancer."
Closer...
I have always hated how my horoscope sign is called "Cancer." Why can't we just call it "Crab?"
Save the Date!
Model Majority: Next Show - Friday, Sept 6 9pm PIT Striker 123 E 24th St
Chew Girls July 2019 pics