She was...an American Girl.
After all the brainwashing I did to my kid to convince her not to get an American Girl Doll, someone in my family gave her an American Girl catalog and it started all over again. I am working on convincing her to want a Walmart knockoff instead because I told her the doll costs as much as my phone and I would rather get her a phone.
The new Jetblue terminal at LaGuardia made me feel like I was at the wrong airport because it is actually nice.
My airplane sleep depends on when the flight attendant hands out the free stuff...and then I have to stay up until they come around to collect the garbage.
The flight attendant got everyone's attention in the three rows around me to warn us about someone (my kid) who has a nut allergy. The lady next to me threw out her nuts because of it. I wanted to rat out my kid and tell everyone that her allergy is not airborne but I think it was better to keep it anonymous.
Whenever the plane lands early, you think it is an awesome thing until you realize that your ride is still on their way.
Daddy Dearest
For the past three years, my dad has returned all the gifts I gave him (two bidets and a drone) so I just download movies for him instead. I thought this would be easy but he names the old black and white movies that old black and white people watch.
when you go to wipe and you realize that you have toilet paper stuck to your butt hole as you wipe paper on paper
Closer...
the older my kids get, the harder it is for me to pretend I know everything.
Chink Links
Chew Girls July 2018 pics