Diaper Duty
We bought a Baby costume off of Amazon for $8 and it came with a real diaper. What a disappointment! I was hoping to wear it multiple times.
All my friends and family ended up in the crappy side section and only got to see half of me in a diaper...and my milky white thighs. I owe them a private show.
Highs and Lows
After the show, I feel like the king of the world. By the end of the night, I come back down to earth as I shlep my luggage full of props and costumes onto the subway and blend in with the homeless.
Itchy and Scratchy.
I have to look at a scratch off ticket three times before I throw it out. I'm always afraid I am throwing money away. My OCD sometimes makes me check the ones that are on the sidewalk (without touching them).
I have lost way more than I have ever won so I blacklisted buying scratch-off games and convinced myself they are rigged.
Optimus Prime Opt Out
We quit Amazon Prime and I feel a little bit of my soul returning...but now I am giving it to Target and Walmart instead.
when you hear that one of your biggest fans doesn't read "The Chronicles" anymore...but he did see two of your shows.
Closer...
My kid keeps thanking me for taking care of her when she is sick and I told her she can thank me by changing my diaper when I am an old man...and it's not for a sketch.
Check me out Feb 13 for a reading of Nathan Liu's "Maggie"
Chew Links
Chew Girls Feb 2020
SAVE THE DATE: March 7, Saturday 8pm: Model Majority at the PIT