I prefer staycations so I win if I lose.
I told my wife that I stopped using toilet paper ever since I switched to baby wipes.
HER: "You don't wipe after you pee?"
ME: "You think men wipe the tip?!"
Money Down the Gutter
Whenever we go bowling, I feel ripped off if the kids roll more than 5 gutter balls.
"Next time, you can stay home and do Wii bowling for free"
Drone Work
After watching a drones fireworks show after the baseball game in Cincy, fireworks without drones feels so antique.
We went all out with the sparklers this year!
when you try to violently recline your airplane seat to let the person behind know,
"Stop tapping on your screen so hard. My head is on the other side!"
Closer ...
Watching SportsCenter is only fun if the Yankees win.
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