Cat Chup.
Being away from the apartment for 5 days means I get to find hidden piles of cat puke that's been waiting for me to step on. She also loves to puke on my dumbbells so I sometimes don't realize that I am working out with cat puke handles.
On the plane ride back, we hit some turbulence and some lady in our row would vocally freak out every time we would hit a "bump." I kept imagining that scene from "Airplane" where everyone lines up to shut her up.
You know you are flying with a bunch of lameasses when they applause after the landing.
I'm growing out my facial hair and keeping my hair long so that I can play John Wick in a short film I plan to make as a way to get an audition for a "John Wick" prequel tv series I heard was in the works.
Park Slope Parents
I secretly enjoy internet stalking the famous parents of my kids' classmates and not saying a word about it when I see them. I am secretly hoping they do the same to me.
Toe Cheeseburger
I hate that I haven't cut Toddler's finger or toe nails in the longest time because she bites them. I told her how dirty and disgusting it is and she just responded, "But they're so tasty!"
Trampled.
whenever I read the "Lady and the Tramp" to my kids, I always get confused who is Lady and who is the Tramp (Who is the bitch?)...and then I wonder what sick bastard (Walt Disney?) decided to name it "Lady and the Tramp."
my sister got me a selfie stick.
I love it but I feel like a part of me will die if I use it in public.
Closer...
unfollowing people (but still being their "friend") on fecesbook is so therapeutic.
Chewtube
Chew Girls Feb 2017 pics